I miss my big fella so much. The first two days were a complete mess, but Saturday and Sunday were so busy that I had a lot to distract me from my thoughts, until a friend said on Sunday night ‘Im so sorry to hear about Benjamin’ and that was that – back to square one.
I keep checking all his favourite places to give him a cuddle, and of course he isnt there. I keep mistaking Aoife for him and then realising it isnt him. Aoife has even started sleeping next to my pillow, just where Benjamin used to sleep, every single night.
I feel such crushing guilt at what I had to do – I dont think I will ever forget the moment. He was there, then he was not. His body is being collected today by the pet crematorium people and will be returned to me on Thursday. I expect that will be hard too.
Always love you, my precious baby boy.
(((((hugs))))) just know that what you are feeling is to be expected. Losing a pet anytime is hard but it’s especially hard this time of year. I’m so sorry!
You gave Benjamin a dream life right up until the end. In time your heart will be more resilient whenever you talk about him, but that’s all you can do, give yourself time. It’ll happen when you least expect it. Don’t be hard on yourself, you did your best and he knew it. You are strong, you are the human Benjamin knew you were.
We underst like nomothers can. The waves of grief hit you like a ton of bricks, especially when you least expect it. And, if you’re like the rest of us, that will happen for quite awhile.
We do promise you that eventually, the hapoy times you and Benjamin shared will help push the sadness further into the background. It’s all always be there, but not as intense or gutwrenching.
The one thing that helped me during some of those dark hours wasmknowing that my Happh Hannah would not want me to be sad. She would want me to focus on all the wonderful times.
And your Benjamin wants the same for you. His transition was just one brief moment surrounded by thousands of happy and joyful and loving mements. He would really ve upset if he knew you had a guilt feeling about releasing him from his earthly body that no longer served him. He could no longer be Benjamin and he knew you loved him enough to set him free. No, do not confuse selfless love with “guilt”. Benjamin knows the difference.
It’s so sweet that Aofie is laying on your laplike Benjamin did. I have a feeling Benjamin told him to do that ro bring you comfort. Yeap, he’s still watching over you♥️
And for me, while I cried like a baby bringing ashes home of my beloved pets, the overriding emotion was finding comfort in having them back home with me where they belong. I hope you eventually find comfort in that too.
And do let us know how Benjamin connects with you….and he will. It will be kn a cery Benjamin specific way.
Love and light
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.
Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.
But don’t they understand? asked God
That you’ll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is….forever and ever and ever.
Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am….forever and ever and ever.
~ Author Unknown
Be kind to yourself; grief takes on many forms, and waves will indeed flood you. Your love stood the test of time! You set Benjamin free when he needed you most.
He will make his presence known to you! He will never leave you; he is a different form and will always be furever and ever.
We are keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers!
(((massive hugs))
Holly & Purrkins💝💝💝