I miss my big fella so much. The first two days were a complete mess, but Saturday and Sunday were so busy that I had a lot to distract me from my thoughts, until a friend said on Sunday night ‘Im so sorry to hear about Benjamin’ and that was that – back to square one.
I keep checking all his favourite places to give him a cuddle, and of course he isnt there. I keep mistaking Aoife for him and then realising it isnt him. Aoife has even started sleeping next to my pillow, just where Benjamin used to sleep, every single night.
I feel such crushing guilt at what I had to do – I dont think I will ever forget the moment. He was there, then he was not. His body is being collected today by the pet crematorium people and will be returned to me on Thursday. I expect that will be hard too.
Always love you, my precious baby boy.
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